I am successful because of these two...

Did I tell you I was in Nursing School?  

I do not know, as I have really stopped posting here.  I notice that my friends and family are no longer posting on Blogs anymore either. 

 

Facebook has taken over.  

That is all and good.  It has been fun for me.  But really, I can't just post random thoughts and long stories upon my FB... okay perhaps I could.  And I have.  But I do want to continue this blog.  Nice memories among these pages for my children and their children.  This is who I write for.

Nursing School was a long endeavor.  The preqs took 3 years and I was lucky enough to get into a Nursing Program the first time, so this journey has taken a total of 5 years.  

I graduated with my RN a few weeks ago.  

Now... just studying for the state boards, relaxing, sleeping, watching a few movies, hanging with my boys... just getting back to life. 

 I have some things I need to accomplish in the next few months.  A job, a place to live,  50% custody of Chance.   The job is really the key, the highest priority... so I am doing what I can to be hirable in a place that really wants RN with a year of experience.  

 Life is good!

Life Continues...

It has been a long time.

Been thinking it is time to start blogging again.  Perhaps a bit of a fill-in or perhaps not.

This was a very creative and need outlet for me... I like that I have it to read back over.  I like that it can be shared.  We all have our challenges, burdens... our crossroads.   That fork in the road hit me when I went through what is known as a mid-life crisis.  For me it happened when I turned 40, was married for 20 years and had been 20 years since I graduated from college.  I have since learned that mid-life crisis's are not bad as popular media makes us think, they can actually be good when they help us make a change for the better.  It is that moment when we look at our life and say, "This is not were I planned to be, I need to make a change."

I have made a change...

Sometimes I question it....

Because the change contains hurt...

It makes me question if I am being selfish...

That hurts a lot...

I have been separated from Scott going on 3 years now.  My children do not live with me.  I have pretty much been supporting myself and going to school.  It is not about me... but about me getting my feet on the ground so I can have Chance live with me 50% of the time.  But time is not standing still.  He is getting older.  He has missed out on lots of time with me.  He has not had me to kiss him good night and read him a good night story.

It hurts...
... Because my greatest love is being a mother and that has changed.

The decision was not made lightly. But...
... how long do you keep trying?

All I wanted to do in the world was be a mother, a wife, and be loved... forever...

New Year 2011

So... the great thing about a New Year is it feels like a start over.  I had a month off before classes start up in mid-January and I was set to really amp it up.  Cleaning, purging, catching up, getting Jordan rolling for his last 6 months of school, and getting a head start on the BSA Day Camp.  Christmas was over and I was starting to feel the pressure of the next 6 months.  I had signed up for 13 units.  That is full time and the classes are not easy ones.  I had made the decision to drop one class bringing the total to 10.  Next day, Dec 30, I broke my hand.  Happy New Year to me, I was given a whole new set of dynamics to overcome.

Been a week.  I have been hanging on to the sliver side of sanity.  I have seen my two exposed fingers swell and change to subtle shades of blue and purple.  I want to see what shade the hand is. I wish I could.  My two fingers up to 4 inches from my elbow are wrapped.  It is my right hand.  Has been miserable, agonizing, and frustrating.  To type, to text has been hard.  Not just the mechanics, but the thinking, the clarity of the mind.  It is as if the flow valve has been shut off.  Like my left hand can not communicate with my brain in thought process.

I first noticed this when I decided to continue with my purging/organizing.  Cleared out a bookshelf but then could not manage the purging.  Five days later those books still sit on the floor.  It is a visual display of my adjusting I am having to make.  To type this, would not have happened two days ago.  But I have figured it out.  I just had to include the one finger of the right hand.  I wrote out a check the other day, that was interesting.  Looked like a 5 year old wrote it.  

What I would rather do is just stay in my PJ's and sleep.  I have.  But not ideal.  So I have to do what we all do when challenges come our way, adapt and adjust.  I have been making dinner.  Dishes.  Laundry. Grocery Shopping.  Shuttling kids around. Showering. Yes, that is an accomplishment!  Try shampooing with one hand.  I have even decided that if my Christmas stays up until February that is okay.  Those are little mental games I play to keep from going nuts!  That and the hope, the knowledge I have that this will heal and it is temporary.  Thank goodness.  

One week down, 5 more to go...

It is Jordan!

This picture is a still shot from this video.   Do not know if you can link to it, as it is on Facebook.  But it is worth the effort.  This is the Final performance of Blue Devils B 2009.  Brings back memories.  

Cool story behind the picture.  I was not at Finals but a friend sent me a text that Jordan was up on the big screen at the beginning of the show.  This is what she saw, and from the video you will see that it was a very nice close up of him before the show.  Can you see his "nerves"?  Sorta, but I think it was more licking his lips to get ready to play.  But nerves, I could only imagine.  

So that was last year, and as we progress through the year into January he tried out for Blue Devils A.  He made it!  And it was an incredible experience for him.  He was one of 8 High School students, which presents a challenge when you have all day practice during school hours.

Yes, this is my little attempt to fill in some of the past year.   

Let's Roll!

The sayings, "knock on wood," "one, two, three, jinx,", "don't count your chickens before they hatch," and so forth... well I should start out my posts that way.

I have had better mornings; I have had worse mornings.  I do have one boy at school, reluctantly... but delightfully just a few hang ups.  However, I have a tired teen.  One who I will NOT let get into the pattern of do-what-I-want-and-burn-the-midnight-candle, only to unable to pull his body from his comatose state in the morning.   Let us just say been there done that, and I know how the story ends.   And we are rewriting this year.  No repeats.

And as I write, he has emerged.  Already a light year of improvement.   So let's roll.  Oh... that is good, that is what I should start my posts with.... Let's roll, it is a new day.   Because, that is life... go with the punches, tackle what comes your way.... and do it all over again the next day.

Yes... I do remember where that phrase was coined.  Todd Beamer, fight 93.  The last words heard over the phone, as him and fellow passengers stormed the cabin and thwarted the terrorists plans.  "Are you guys ready?  Let's roll."

And come to think about it, 9/11 is tomorrow.    Geez... all the sudden, my problems seem so trivial and I have so much to be grateful for.

Are you ready?  Let's Roll...

Life... when we step up to meet its challenges.

Well... I scratched that rendition of my parenting skills I had started to write about it.  You hardly need to hear those ramblings in my head.   Funny how when I start to talk about some of the difficulties I have had with getting my children to... school, for example... I start to feel like those listening are judging me.  Maybe... because they have.   But then I have to remind myself, I REALLY do not care.   So truly not worth the effort to justify or explain anything!   Because folks, if I am being judged... you have already lost the ability to understand me.

But where I did want this post to go is to remind to myself, today and in the future... that I am very proud of both my boys.  I have seen an immense amount of maturity from them.   They are going to school, with no problems... even though they do not exactly like... although Chance did say one day he liked school.  That is big news coming from him.  Being different, is hard.  He did have a day he felt no one liked to play with him.  He wondered if it was because he was big.  He thinks and worries about much.

Jordan has a very, very intense load for a Senior.  I am not talking about AP or Honors classes.  I am talking about what he has to do to make it to the graduation line.   It will be a challenge for him or any other 17 year old, but it is not beyond HIS capabilities... he is a world champion after all.   If I told you all he has to do, it would send you spinning.  Maybe when it is all said and done, and he has accomplished the monumental task, I will share.

This morning, I had a bit of a panic as Jordan drove Scott to the airport in the early hours, but had not made it back by the time school started.  He should have.  By 8:00 I texted him... he was at the school at Jazz band.  I forgot.  Tues and Thurs he will go early as he has been invited to participate.  Unfortunately, no school credit given.  But, it is another thing on his plate that he loves.  Learning a new instrument, Bass Trombone.  We all need some things we love in our life, as we do the things we do not love so much.  The point is... he is taking a hold of his life and doing what needs to be done.  No nagging from me.  He got up, made himself breakfast before dawn, drove to the airport, then to school.   His motivation is he wants the car to drive to his girlfriends tonight and did not want Scott to leave it at the airport.  But... really, don't we do a lot of things out of motivation.  So all good.

Chance has been flying through the homework.  Getting to school ON TIME.  Getting up without me reminding and reminding.  We have a few moments.  But overall, I am immensely proud.

Looks as if they will be ready when I take the early morning Anatomy class next semester.  This class has been weighing heavily on my mind as to how I was going to do it with the boys.  These first few weeks have eased my mind.  We will manage just fine.

Chance found the Link... it is no longer missing.

Chance and I spent 4 weeks in Utah this past summer. It was during this time that he was introduced to The Legend of Zelda at cousin Lynn's home.

And now....

*drum roll*.

for Halloween he wants to be LINK.

I have been sequestered to produce the costume. Remember the Pokeman Lucario that I made? You don't. Well I do. I think Link will be MUCH easier! I hope. It will be right? It looks a bit Peter Pan to me. And I did make a VERY cute Peter Pan costume so many years ago. Anyway, I need to start now, because I am a wee bit busy then the Pokeman costume episode.

The Fed Ex man has already delivered the accessories. Apparently Chance needs to start training. They are not the flimsy sword and shield you get at the costume store. No, these are straight from Medieval Times. And carrying these AND the candy will prove to be a feat... even for Link